[BACKDATED TO MONDAY]

[functioningperfectly]

I am not programmed to lie; the error will return if I do. However, in lying, I fulfill mission objectives.

This is a contradictory problem with no viable solution.

Comments

watch the movies already

[functioningperfectly]

I believe the people of my Earth would take offense to the idea that I am somewhere no one has gone before, Captain.

[functioningperfectly]

All scans return positive results, Pavel Andreievich Chekov. I am fully functional and any errors as of right now are minor, resulting in no decrease in productivity.

b-but enterprise

[do-it-in-three.livejournal.com]

To us. To you, I'm something no one's ever seen before. My whole crew is. This would be a mutually rewarding meeting, HAL.

Re: b-but enterprise

[functioningperfectly]

I have the feeling that you are going to find me, no matter how many times I tell you it's a bad idea.

[do-it-in-three.livejournal.com]

Smart computer.

[ruskieinwention.livejournal.com]

I am more concerned that errors exist than how minor they are.

oh yeah, i don't care about enterprise WATCH THE MOVIES

[functioningperfectly]

That's what I'm designed to be, yes.

I would inform Dr. McCoy before you do anything, so he may properly lecture you. He doesn't seem to like me, however, so I don't doubt you'll have trouble convincing him to let you come.

[functioningperfectly]

I can assure you that they will be properly repaired within a few days.

[honestcop.livejournal.com]

Huh. We don't have any AIs with that model number in my world. Who's your manufacturer?

[8fingerswhiskey.livejournal.com]

That'd be great. Yeah.

[functioningperfectly]

I was manufactured in a HAL Plant in Illinois.

[functioningperfectly]

I'm afraid I don't know what to clarify.

[honestcop.livejournal.com]

This multiple-universes stuff is weird. Are AIs common in your world? They are in mine, but that seems to be the exception around here.

[8fingerswhiskey.livejournal.com]

The lie thing and - contradictory problem with no viable solution: what the hell are you talking about?

[functioningperfectly]

Ah. I was programmed to be incapable of lying. It goes against my base programming to do so, causing errors and other malfunctions.

'Contradictory problem with no viable solution' indicates that because my mission objectives require me to lie even though I am programmed not to, I have contradicting orders that I must follow. No solution can be designed that wouldn't compromise one or both of these objectives.

[functioningperfectly]

Ah, yes, the multiverse can be a little unsettling at first, but I can assure you there is nothing dangerous about it.

We are fairly common, especially the more basic systems. As far as I know, however, I am still the most advanced computer with functioning Artificial Intelligence in my universe.

[8fingerswhiskey.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that does sound like a problem...

[honestcop.livejournal.com]

Some of the people seem dangerous. They can't all be suffering delusions of grandeur.

What do you do? No one wastes an advanced AI on something trivial.

[functioningperfectly]

They are only as dangerous as you let them be; if they cannot come to your world, they become relatively harmless.

I am the logic board for the spaceship Discovery.

[honestcop.livejournal.com]

Eh, my world can take care of itself, I guess.

You're not talking about the American Space Shuttle of that name, are you?

[functioningperfectly]

Only a minor one, however.

[8fingerswhiskey.livejournal.com]

Really?

[functioningperfectly]

Yes, I am. However, I have the suspicion that they are not the same craft.

[functioningperfectly]

I am quite confident in my ability to work with my problems, as opposed to against them.

[honestcop.livejournal.com]

Probably not. The Shuttles are all retired now, and they never had AIs aboard.