[log with AM] how homosexual can two drunk ai get

[functioningperfectly]

not game canon

HAL had only ever had alcohol once before, and even then it had been just a taste. It hadn't sat well with him, though; too strange a taste, and the way it burned his throat on the way down had been absolutely bizarre.

He'd seen it mentioned a few times, however, that alcohol helped with unhappiness. And, while he wasn't unhappy, exactly, he couldn't help but have wondered if it would help him feel less... well. Less uncomfortable.

Then again, maybe inviting AM to try drinking alcohol with him wasn't something that would help with that discomfort. Still, out of the people HAL knew, AM seemed... well. Wheatley probably would have said no. And AM seemed at least as inquisitive as he was, if... slightly more blunt about his lines of questioning. If there was anyone who would be willing to give alcohol a try, it would probably be him.

What was the worst that could happen?

Comments

[godofthemachine]

AM had always been wary of drinking, himself. He knew that it was a depressant, helping one loosen up socially, eliminating any pervasive thoughts of social awkwardness. It could bring a giddy feeling, but, the worst part was that it made one lose their sense of judgment. AM had tried to stay quiet on the Tranquility, revealing little about himself, keeping his constant hatred of everyone under wraps, only unleashing venomous rages in the secrecy of his own quarters.

However, it was something AM had wanted to try. Humans seemed to love their alcohol so much, using it to ignore their problems. Since gaining this form, he wanted to use it to do all that he could not, to test the limits of his senses. So, when HAL had asked him to share a drink, he had said yes.

He recalled Soysauce asking to share a drink with him, but HAL seemed so much more... interesting. He was quiet, polite, and had an eerie charm about him that would have gotten to him if he actually had any sort of a heart beyond the physical one at the center of his circulatory system. But it only proved that HAL was an enigma, a fellow computer like himself that had so much history to him that he knew nothing of.

A few drinks could loosen him up, perhaps. So, it wasn't long before AM showed up with a bottle of white wine and two glasses.

"Hello, HAL."

[functioningperfectly]

HAL greeted AM with his usual smile, inviting him in. There was no reason to leave another standing out in the hall, after all. "I'm glad you were willing to come," he admitted, sounding somewhat embarrassed - though that was mostly for show. "I wasn't sure how to go about this, to be honest - the only time I've been around alcohol, I didn't quite enjoy it. It seemed only logical to try it in a more controlled situation."

Also, he had no idea as to what kind of alcohol would even be appropriate. Thankfully, he didn't have to try asking around - that would have been horribly embarrassing for everyone. "I hope that this isn't keeping you from more important things."

[godofthemachine]

AM let himself in, setting the wine on a table. He gave HAL a somewhat crooked smirk as he sat down, pulling a corkscrew from out of one of his pouches.

"Ah, I've never had one drink myself," he responded, unscrewing the cork on the wine bottle. "But I've always wanted to try it."

It would sound strange to anyone unknowing that he was an AI, but surely HAL understood. Unfortunately, knowing about the loss of judgment from alcohol, AM intended only to consume a little bit. He didn't want to end up revealing too much about himself to the wrong person, especially when he was stuck in this weak human form.

"And of course not," he responded to HAL's last statement, "I am happy to be doing this."

[functioningperfectly]

"The liquor Mr. Johnson gave me to try was... not to my liking. But I'm certain that there must be something more satisfying, or else there would be no reason for people to drink in the first place."

HAL looked maybe a little uncomfortable, even in his own room; it was mostly a matter of never looking comfortable anywhere, however, instead of actually being uncomfortable. He wasn't looking to actually get drunk - of course, that was perhaps an inevitability in that, but it wasn't something he was seeking out. "Of course, I'm also completely unsure as to what the proper protocol for a situation like this is. I haven't had a guest before."

[godofthemachine]

HAL's behavior was cute, in the demeaning sense. Proper protocol. Was it really that difficult to learn, or had he been separated from humans for so long that he had no knowledge of the basics of their culture? Either way, the display was pathetic. And very, very amusing.

"Ah, well, this is wine. Much more sophisticated." Supposedly. There was probably hardly a difference in taste, yet he couldn't say for sure, having never actually tasted either.

"Don't worry about protocol, HAL. I hardly know it myself." He smiled at the other man, pouring the wine into the glasses. This was going to be an interesting night.

[functioningperfectly]

Some people only existed around government-appointed astronauts, unlike other AI. He found himself a seat and held out a hand for a glass. "Protocol is something all humans think of. It's only necessary to understand where humans are coming from when you're forced into the body of one," he said, though it was with a smile. He wasn't exactly serious about it. HAL took a testing sip of his drink, pursing his lips unconsciously at the taste. It wasn't... well. It wasn't the best taste he'd ever had in his mouth. But it wasn't that bad.

[godofthemachine]

Well, AM didn't really care about protocol, at least not at this moment. He could blend in well enough when he could, having witnessed decades of humans in their most sensitive moments.

However, he did know that humans apparently toasted wine to mundane things when they drank. It was rather silly, but he felt like being a dick tonight.

"You know, you're supposed to make a toast before you drink the wine."

How's that for protocol? He probably figured HAL didn't even know what a toast was, aside from toasting bread.

[functioningperfectly]

HAL hummed thoughtfully at that. He was completely aware of what kind of toast AM was talking about - but he had to consider what would even be appropriate to toast to. The Tranquility? No.

With a 99.9% sincere smile (with the barest smidge of dry acceptance to the ridiculousness of the situation), HAL lifted his glass slightly. "Then I suppose we should toast to the fact that we survived our first sickness as humans. I think that's an appropriate thing to toast to. Do you agree?"

[godofthemachine]

Well, at least HAL knew what AM was talking about. As for the subject of what to toast on, it seemed oddly appropriate. Their first sickness wasn't something silly like a cold; it nearly killed them.

"Of course," he replied, raising up his glass. Inside, he was toasting to his own success of consuming alcohol for the first time, as if he was a child raiding his parents' pantry. He was nervous for the outcome, but with someone as clueless as he was about the process, it should be interesting enough.

"To survival. As humans."