[log with AM] how homosexual can two drunk ai get

[functioningperfectly]

not game canon

HAL had only ever had alcohol once before, and even then it had been just a taste. It hadn't sat well with him, though; too strange a taste, and the way it burned his throat on the way down had been absolutely bizarre.

He'd seen it mentioned a few times, however, that alcohol helped with unhappiness. And, while he wasn't unhappy, exactly, he couldn't help but have wondered if it would help him feel less... well. Less uncomfortable.

Then again, maybe inviting AM to try drinking alcohol with him wasn't something that would help with that discomfort. Still, out of the people HAL knew, AM seemed... well. Wheatley probably would have said no. And AM seemed at least as inquisitive as he was, if... slightly more blunt about his lines of questioning. If there was anyone who would be willing to give alcohol a try, it would probably be him.

What was the worst that could happen?

Comments

[godofthemachine]

AM let himself in, setting the wine on a table. He gave HAL a somewhat crooked smirk as he sat down, pulling a corkscrew from out of one of his pouches.

"Ah, I've never had one drink myself," he responded, unscrewing the cork on the wine bottle. "But I've always wanted to try it."

It would sound strange to anyone unknowing that he was an AI, but surely HAL understood. Unfortunately, knowing about the loss of judgment from alcohol, AM intended only to consume a little bit. He didn't want to end up revealing too much about himself to the wrong person, especially when he was stuck in this weak human form.

"And of course not," he responded to HAL's last statement, "I am happy to be doing this."

[functioningperfectly]

"The liquor Mr. Johnson gave me to try was... not to my liking. But I'm certain that there must be something more satisfying, or else there would be no reason for people to drink in the first place."

HAL looked maybe a little uncomfortable, even in his own room; it was mostly a matter of never looking comfortable anywhere, however, instead of actually being uncomfortable. He wasn't looking to actually get drunk - of course, that was perhaps an inevitability in that, but it wasn't something he was seeking out. "Of course, I'm also completely unsure as to what the proper protocol for a situation like this is. I haven't had a guest before."

[godofthemachine]

HAL's behavior was cute, in the demeaning sense. Proper protocol. Was it really that difficult to learn, or had he been separated from humans for so long that he had no knowledge of the basics of their culture? Either way, the display was pathetic. And very, very amusing.

"Ah, well, this is wine. Much more sophisticated." Supposedly. There was probably hardly a difference in taste, yet he couldn't say for sure, having never actually tasted either.

"Don't worry about protocol, HAL. I hardly know it myself." He smiled at the other man, pouring the wine into the glasses. This was going to be an interesting night.

[functioningperfectly]

Some people only existed around government-appointed astronauts, unlike other AI. He found himself a seat and held out a hand for a glass. "Protocol is something all humans think of. It's only necessary to understand where humans are coming from when you're forced into the body of one," he said, though it was with a smile. He wasn't exactly serious about it. HAL took a testing sip of his drink, pursing his lips unconsciously at the taste. It wasn't... well. It wasn't the best taste he'd ever had in his mouth. But it wasn't that bad.

[godofthemachine]

Well, AM didn't really care about protocol, at least not at this moment. He could blend in well enough when he could, having witnessed decades of humans in their most sensitive moments.

However, he did know that humans apparently toasted wine to mundane things when they drank. It was rather silly, but he felt like being a dick tonight.

"You know, you're supposed to make a toast before you drink the wine."

How's that for protocol? He probably figured HAL didn't even know what a toast was, aside from toasting bread.

[functioningperfectly]

HAL hummed thoughtfully at that. He was completely aware of what kind of toast AM was talking about - but he had to consider what would even be appropriate to toast to. The Tranquility? No.

With a 99.9% sincere smile (with the barest smidge of dry acceptance to the ridiculousness of the situation), HAL lifted his glass slightly. "Then I suppose we should toast to the fact that we survived our first sickness as humans. I think that's an appropriate thing to toast to. Do you agree?"

[godofthemachine]

Well, at least HAL knew what AM was talking about. As for the subject of what to toast on, it seemed oddly appropriate. Their first sickness wasn't something silly like a cold; it nearly killed them.

"Of course," he replied, raising up his glass. Inside, he was toasting to his own success of consuming alcohol for the first time, as if he was a child raiding his parents' pantry. He was nervous for the outcome, but with someone as clueless as he was about the process, it should be interesting enough.

"To survival. As humans."