[BACKDATED TO MONDAY]

[functioningperfectly]

I am not programmed to lie; the error will return if I do. However, in lying, I fulfill mission objectives.

This is a contradictory problem with no viable solution.

Comments

[nobaybreezes.livejournal.com]

...Oh. And, what's your current mission?

[functioningperfectly]

...Would you be worried if I said I'd rather not talk about it?

[nobaybreezes.livejournal.com]

...A little, yeah. But, hey, you know, it's your business. As long as you're not trying to... destroy the world or something.

[functioningperfectly]

I apologize, but I would rather not talk about it.

[nobaybreezes.livejournal.com]

[functioningperfectly]

I can assure you, I have no intentions of destroying anything. That's precisely why I shouldn't talk about it.

[nobaybreezes.livejournal.com]

Okay, okay, I won't press the issue.

[functioningperfectly]

Thank you very much.

Have we met?

[nobaybreezes.livejournal.com]

Oh! No, we haven't. I'm Lisa - Reisert, since there's two of us on the community.

[functioningperfectly]

It's a pleasure to meet you, Lisa Reisert. You may call me HAL. I've seen you post, as I monitor the community very closely, but I'm afraid I've never extended a greeting to you.

[nobaybreezes.livejournal.com]

...That's a little creepy, but yeah, okay. So, are you a... robot? Like Maggie's friends?

[functioningperfectly]

I am a HAL-9000 series computer. And, ah - I've been monitoring the community in order to study the AI behind it, not because I am a... mm, 'stalker' of people. I apologize for sounding 'creepy.'

[nobaybreezes.livejournal.com]

You don't need to apologize - better to sound creepy than actually be creepy. I'm used to either, though, really, so no cause for concern.

So, should i call you... HAL-9000?

[functioningperfectly]

You're not precisely the first to call me creepy, in any case.

HAL will do fine, Miss Reisert, though if you would prefer my full name, that's quite all right as well.

[nobaybreezes.livejournal.com]

And you're okay with that?

HAL is fine, that makes things a little easier.

[functioningperfectly]

As a computer, it makes very little difference to me. Although I am considered the most lifelike Artificial Intelligence in my universe, things that would make humans depressed, nervous or uncomfortable generally do not do the same to me.

[nobaybreezes.livejournal.com]

...Oh. Yeah, that would make sense.

[functioningperfectly]

Indeed. I believe that handicap, however, oftentimes makes me appear 'creepy' or 'foreboding' to humans, so I understand that it's not usually explained out of intuitive reasoning.